Meal-time Memories
I have been leading an 'early food memories' support group. We are learning a lot about how early food experiences have affected many areas of our lives, in particular, our relationships.
I've figured out that my food distress is not simply about eating, or how I look, or dieting, or losing weight. It's also about how I structure my relationships to fit with certain hurts that got laid in because of my dependency on someone else to think about me around a basic human need. There is a way I haven't trusted, which appears to be changing as I discharge on early food memories. I'm trusting more openly and am actually feeling happy a good deal of the time.
Several people in the group were on fixed eating schedules as infants. One person's mom was not warm or loving and fed her because 'it was time.' This person figured she was stupid, and a lot of humiliation resulted. Another person who was on a fixed eating schedule had to slow down his metabolism when he was hungry by keeping quiet until it was time to eat. He won't take full risks, even now, for fear of 'not making it.' He keeps a back-up 'reserve.' One person had a younger sister on a fixed eating schedule and had to watch her scream from hunger.
A couple of people realized that before their birth what their mothers ate affected them. One person's mother restricted her food intake in order not to gain too much weight during pregnancy. Since a fetus gets his or her nourishment from the bloodstream, and there wasn't always enough there, this person was hungry in the womb. Another woman's mother didn't take care of herself while pregnant-she ate poorly, drank alcohol, and was in the presence of smokers. This person feels a lot of rage. She has always tried to eat very healthily, stays away from smoke and alcohol, and avoids being around people who are like her mother.
Another person was sixteen months older than her brother and had watched him get what she regarded as her share of the breast. She still watches what people eat and feels upset when they take seconds before she does. Deciding not to watch people eat anymore allowed her to discharge heavy fear.
For some of us, life at mealtimes was pleasant and conversational, and we tend to carry that expectation into our adult lives. For others of us, mealtime was another chore to be carried out, or we were fed in front of a TV, or mealtimes were confrontational.
People report that these early food experiences have affected how they relate to people and that working on them has had profound positive effects on their lives. This seems to indicate that it is an important area for us to look at.
Pam Geyer
Bellaire, Texas,
USA